Why Your Teen Can Ace a History Test but Can’t Remember to Take Out the Trash
Your teen might be thriving at school—acing tests, participating in class discussions, even managing big projects like a boss. But at home? They suddenly can’t remember to feed the dog, hang up their towel, or take out the trash... again.
Before you spiral into “How can you remember every Civil War battle but not your chores?” mode—let’s pause.
Here’s the truth: strong executive functioning skills at school don’t always translate to life at home. And it’s not because your teen is lazy, careless, or trying to make you lose your mind (though it may feel like it).
It often comes down to one specific executive skill: working memory.
🧠 So... What Is Working Memory?
Think of working memory as your brain’s sticky note. It temporarily holds information while you use it—like keeping a math formula in your head while solving a problem or remembering what you were about to say before your sibling walked into the room wearing a Viking helmet (true story).
In teens, this sticky note is still under construction. While they can absolutely store tons of long-term knowledge (cue: Pokémon stats, song lyrics, obscure geography facts), using working memory to take in new information, hold it, and act on it in the moment? That’s a different beast.
🏫 Why School Stuff “Sticks” But Real-Life Tasks Don’t
Here’s the kicker: your teen’s brain LOVES structure. In school, they’ve got:
Clear deadlines
Daily routines
Visual cues
A teacher saying, “Remember to turn this in!”
But at home? They’re walking into a lawless land of unscheduled tasks, vague expectations, and chores that do not trigger the dopamine receptors like an A+ on a test or a well-timed meme.
And when it comes to executive functioning—especially working memory—their prefrontal cortex is still developing. This means everyday tasks that seem “simple” to us adults often require more mental juggling than we realize.
🗑 Trash Night: A Case Study in Executive Functioning
Let’s break it down. “Take out the trash” seems like one step, but to your teen’s brain, it might look more like this:
Realize it’s trash night (without being reminded).
Pause whatever they’re doing (a mental and emotional shift).
Remember to check multiple trash cans around the house.
Tie bags, replace liners, and drag bins outside.
Deal with smells, bugs, and the very real possibility of touching something sticky.
That’s a full-on cognitive workout for someone whose brain is still fine-tuning the whole “multi-step task + follow-through” combo. It’s not that they don’t care. It’s that the executive system that makes all those steps happen smoothly is still a work-in-progress.
💡 How Can We Help?
The good news? You don’t need to be your teen’s executive assistant forever. But you can support the development of their working memory in ways that build independence (and preserve your sanity).
Here are a few simple strategies that work:
📋 Make It Visual
Teens may be too cool for chore charts—but visual cues still work wonders. Try a dry-erase board on the fridge, color-coded schedules, or even sticky notes in high-traffic areas. (Yes, even for big kids.)
🔁 Use Habit Pairing
Tie a chore to a habit they already do. For example:
“When you put your plate in the sink, check the trash cans.”
This builds muscle memory and removes the “Oh, I forgot!” excuse.
⏰ External Memory = Executive Power
Use phone alarms, shared calendars, or smart home reminders. Alexa saying, “Hey, it’s trash time!” is surprisingly effective and a lot less emotionally charged than a parent reminder.
🧩 Break It Down
Spell out the steps until it becomes routine. Teens often don’t realize that “Take out the trash” is really a series of smaller tasks—and if they miss one, the whole job feels incomplete.
🧠 Praise Progress, Not Perfection
“Hey, you remembered without a reminder!” goes a long way. Building up their confidence in managing responsibilities helps create internal motivation.
💬 Final Thoughts
It’s easy to assume your teen “just doesn’t care.” But if we dig a little deeper, we find something much more human—and way more hopeful. Your child isn’t lazy. They’re learning. Their brain is wiring itself in real time, and with a little support and structure, they’ll get better at this every day.
So the next time the trash doesn’t make it out, take a beat, breathe deep, and know that behind that forgetful exterior is a brain working hard to keep up. And if all else fails? Maybe make that garbage can wear a neon sign.
